Diane and I had recently had a great date and were happy with each other and our life. Appreciative and thankful.
So why was I Grumpy and Irritated with little things that she did, using too many spoons, not hanging up dish towels, stupid stuff that usually I don’t care about?
In looking into the pattern, I have discovered two things. One, I am full up with everything I want and not used to simply appreciating what I have without wanting something more, or better, or different: like setting an athletic goal, going on an adventure, doing something like skiing that is fun.
And second, is that I have been entrained in the pattern physically. It was my way of punishing others for not getting what I want. Or it was a reaction to my physical pain, or my not being as good as I used to be in things like rowing or skiing. What I actually saw was that I was physically grumpy, and emotionally grumpy, and I was desperately looking around for a cause!! And I couldn’t find a cause because I have what I want. So in this instance there was the grumpiness looking for a justification, caught in the act: a grumpiness without a cause!
I realize I now have all this extra time and energy being happy with where I am. I am no longer looking around for who I am going to be with and I am not so interested in just another goal or project to fill the empty space of boredom. And I am unpracticed at appreciating what I have. Finding beauty where I haven’t been looking. Counting my blessings for all the abundance within which I live my life.
In the past, irritation and grumpiness have gone hand in hand and I have been reluctant to say I was irritated about since the things I was irritated about were so petty. Now I have enrolled Diane in telling me if she notices me being grumpy and I am committed to getting off it, not being grumpy about her telling me I am grumpy!!
Such are the benefits of having the relationship we have. I recognize that my grumpiness has just robbed us of the pleasure we so often experience together and I am committed to getting rid of that pattern.
May all our days be free from grumpiness!
All the best,